The Young Adult

Me and most of my peers find ourselves at this moment in life where we are described as young adults, tricky times i would say. Most of us are fighting midlife crisis right now and the main cause of this is the one and only factor…great expectations from society.

Society is not something strange or someone from outside or far, society is closer than you think. Society are your drinking buddies, parents, workmates, rolex guy, boda guy and siblings to mention but a few. And these are the people with great expectations from you. They expect certain things from you as a young adult. They always want to ask questions them themselves cannot answer.

Many have succumbed to this pressure by marrying too soon, getting into jobs they hate, abandoning their passions and doing things they love, moving out of the parent’s house when they can hardly pay rent.

Though some have rebelled and refused to be subject to these expectations, well guess what? these are the people society calls ‘losers’. Which i personally do not agree to. These are the heroes, these are the people who are out there to save the generation from such heavy burden. People paving way to a complete new way of life, a change in society attitude.

With the ‘losers’ holding onto their guns , maybe society will agree to a number of situations without being judgemental and cringing to the idea of it;

32, not in a relationship,no full time job, staying in parents house

36, stays alone, with well paying job, and no plans of getting married or having kids, with hundreds of empty beer bottles in the bedroom.

Truthfully, this is how some would like to live but they cannot so they end up living other people’s lives which is a disaster in a long run.

I know a friend who is facing a midlife crisis at 26, he has been in a long term relationship which ended cause he wasn’t putting a ring on it, he is living in a huge apartment alone for which he moved out of the parent’s house to leave with the departed girlfriend, he hates the company that he is currently working for hence missing days at work. He feels like reversing his life but he is stuck. Time is irreversible.

I have other friends who have quit work suddenly because they fell into the wrong job and they are frustrated and feeling like they deserve better. Better being following their passions art, sports, music,dance, coding.

Others have ended their marriages before a year because they got bored. In the first place getting married at 26 is like leaving the party at 11 then you get text messages, snap chat stories of what is happening at the party and you decide to leave bed and go back.

well many of us young adults are falling for this pressure but i do not think we should fall for it, given that there are a lot of things we haven’t accomplished in our 20’s and 30’s. As many would know, there is a bucket list for our 20’s. lets cross things off. That threesome hasn’t been had yet, you haven’t visited Brazil yet, the road-trips to south Africa, bungee jumping and the list goes on as far as your young imagination can go. So go live life.

 

 

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#UgHacks: Got a girls number, forgot her name. what to do?

We have all been in that situation where it skipped your frugal, alcohol or internet addicted mind about asking for someone’s name, usually a very good looking female  judging by your clumsiness in this situation. You forget to ask for this very important and basic details of getting to know someone and perhaps transforming a conversation over a drink at your favorite hangout into something mutually beneficial like getting laid. First maybe because you were so distracted by the females’ good looks and deep intellect (rare combination this one) that it is too late to  ask for her name as she is trying to explain to you why in the GOTS04E3 ‘the other guy with a beard’ decided to do what he did.

Also maybe at this particular point in time you met this lady, you are in the middle of an identity crisis, you haven’t yet decided if you are Puff Daddy or Puff Diddy. And  that you  popularized your twitter name so much that you can’t help using it IRL and you wouldn’t what to limit yourself and put your pro-creation chances in jeopardy with this very beautiful creature by using your internet troll name. we all know how the story of the troll and the beautiful person ends.

Or you could have cleverly swerved away from the name introduction part of the conversation not because you like to be anonymous (which is a good idea because Anonymous has a lot of good quotes) but you are called Faizal and you met the beaut while holding a beer bottle. I mean you do not what to start off a good run with the first impression of you not being the religious type. Because as you know the religious type get ‘it’ a lot, ask whoever went for the recent “phaneroo” concert.

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Another situation can be that you would like to get someone’s name and number without ever meeting them or asking them(creepy!). They intimidate you, you are shy, you do not know how to talk to girls and maybe you are doing it for a friend who is experiences all the above( birds of the same feather).

Lastly, naturally many of us men easily forget names of first time acquaintances, so you reach that part of saving the number in your phone but you would like to keep your low attention span and shallow memory problem to yourself, so you don’t ask for the name again.

How do you would  recover from this tight situation while living in a country that skipped the basic of technologies like the white pages or the telephone directory, where we still sell SIM cards on the street corner and many phone lines are not registered? Here is what you can do before you start sending unsolicited messages to your future wife or before making a deceitfully orchestrated looser attempt of asking your friend to call her and ask for you.(he will take the number and take her too, unless he is uglier). Here is a few clever ways you can find her name.

Google +: The probability that she was using an android phone is higher than 1, so save her in your phone as “panamera chic” and check Google+, if you need more info on this, you should take a short course on ‘cyber stalking’. And stop misusing your smartphone for ‘whatsapping’ only.

Visitor’s book: well if you are slick enough and managed to arrange your second encounter to be at your hostel(for campus students), run to the visitor’s book and check. Thinking about this, you will need Clark Kent’s speed to do this. The opening of the door to usher her in, the running to the gate and be back in time before she takes a seat on you only seat, your bed. Good luck.

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Mobile money: You really really want that name and you are too dumb to find other ways to get it, send her money using any of the mobile money services, the agent will confirm the transaction by reading out her name. Also good luck if she gave you a fake number which is coincidentally real and is registered for mobile money services.

Talk to her Mom: so you happen to be a ‘sponsor’ or ‘investor’ who likes to prey on your work-mate’s daughters, here you just have to start a conversation about your families with her, she will be glad to tell you of how her daughter ‘kikalamu’ has grown so much.

#UgHacks: How to hook up with a muzungu without being a rasta

So you are an average male Ugandan who likes to keep his hair short and neat, you prefer your jeans clean when you put them on, you are not into weed and smoking, and although we are all black, you have a lighter skin complexion and you have a real job so you cannot hang out at bars everyday. how are you going to compete with the Rasta who are everything you are not for a muzungu lady?

First what makes the Ugandan Rasta the bazungu ladies men is a mystery but we won’t delve into that. though i think it is the dreads, no. maybe the fact that they do not discriminate by age. or they are more Ugandan than the rest. mystery? so to have it easier just be a Rasta.
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But for one who sees this unfairness where if a muzungu is dating a Ugandan girl, they date the best of them preferably a model. Then when a Ugandan man dates a muzungu….all hell breaks loose but i do not want to offend anyone. so i think we need a meeting with the Rasta community because they are the majority of people setting these unfair standards.

Enough of the Rasta.

Given that there is currently an obsession about dating light-skin chics in Kampala,  if someone turned up with a white chic, competition would be dead. he would win the competition without lifting a finger.

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Now from Ug-Hacks here is how a “not-a-Rasta” guy can turn up with a muzungu babe.

Join Aiesec:this students organization is responsible for a good percentage of the datable white females who come to Uganda. if you are too old for Aiesec friends. (small shout-out to Joseph and Gerald)
Join an NGO: NGOs are breeding grounds for  bazungu females with good hearts. Keep your day Job and be one of the few Ugandans who volunteer or just be a big time donor. ‘hard paper’ that one but eyes on the prize.

Lastly: leave the tourists bazungu for the Rasta

ONE MAN’S MUSE by Chris Holm

River Heights Book Review

ONE MAN’S MUSE by Chris Holm

Larry Arsenault could’ve done without the voices.

It was bad enough he had no job. No girl. No favored hangout to haunt, nor any money to spend there if he did. Nothing but this godforsaken place, and the constant company of the voices that resided here. The rest, he could’ve swallowed – accepted as his lot in life. But the voices he could not abide, any more than he could shut them up.

Time was, things were different. Time was, Larry had as decent a gig as a high school dropout in Central Maine could hope for, working the line at the Georgia-Pacific pulp mill up in Old Town. Made enough to buy himself a decent truck (a Ford Super Duty not more’n ten years old) and his knocked-up lady friend a ring (a cheap gold band inlaid with diamond chips, but real gold…

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UG-hacks: How to score a perfect rolex in Kampala

Welcome to Kampala where rolex is eaten not worn. as they say

rolex t-shirt. its a movement.

rolex t-shirt. its a movement.

Well i would have gone to how to make a perfect rolex but we all know that people who devour rolex don’t cook. they are normally students and broke bazungu.which means the bazungu are eating it for all the wrong reasons. Brokenness. naaaa actually one can afford  a good meal at a good restaurant if he swapped his titanic (rolex of 4  fried eggs, 2 hot dog sausages, half sliced cabbage, 4 sliced tomatoes,  and minced meat) for money.

So let us leave the cooking for guys who eat while seated and see how one can get a good rolex in Kampala.

Well there are places where one can get a perfect rolex by just mentioning either ‘bibisi’ or ‘sibibisi'(someone please shout out ‘wandegeya!’). Yeah  the rolex world is divided between bibisi guys and the other guys. we have #TeamBirungoBibisi and the other guys. Though i did not do much investigation, i heard there is beef between these two teams. apparently one team claims the other team are not doing the real rolex.

Let’s start.

Locate a perfect stand: we like rolex but we don’t want to throw-up immediately after intake. because we are counting on this rolex lasting one a full day. Yep, that dough can stay in your stomach even for a week. so pick out that stall where the Rolex-guy is putting on an apron. there is no proof but they are normally clean.

bujagali representing there!

bujagali representing there!

Spot the ingredients: before you order a rolex. Inspect the joint and see if all the ‘birungo’ are present. Check for everything your like on your Rolex. tomatoes(check), onions(check), cabbage(check). if he doesn’t have everything, walk away. Too many stalls around the corner. No hard feelings for the guy because it is a joke a round town that all rolex guys know each other and they are from the same region of the country. Move on, your money will end up in the same place anyway.

Trick the Rolex guy: If he doesn’t ask if you want ‘bibisi’ or not ‘bibisi’ hold your silence. Then after he has mixed up everything, tell him out of feigned frustration ‘mbadde njagala bibisi’ right there those will be extra servings. best of both world.

note that if you cant say all the luganda words in quotes, you will never have a perfect rolex in Kampala. So with that rolex in, you won’t be hungry when the next UG-hacks comes, a week from now or 2.

5 Things You Need to Know About Alcohol, Backed By Research

Facts to use to win that beer or no beer argument.

TIME

  • You drastically underestimate how much alcohol it would take for you to

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UG-hacks: How to pick the right boda-boda in Kampala

I write this for the locals. For others, the thing is once you get to Uganda, try to become a local. it will be more fun that way. otherwise you will be conned by the man next to you right at the airport. In fact even by that one you landed with at Entebbe.

Today i start my series of UG-hacks. Hack number one is about how to choose the best and safest boda-boda when you are in town. find description of boda-boda here

Boda-boda at work. any load.

Boda-boda at work. any load.

For good price negotiation, choose the shabbiest and dirties boda-boda rider(huh!), these tend to be owning the bikes because by the time it gets old like that it means he finished paying off the loan he used to buy it so that only means low charges. And also the shabbiness indicates good nature. everyone will side with me, neat people tend to be a bit rude, arrogant and a tad bit too serious.

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And for guarantee that that boda-boda you are taking won’t only take you past your destination but also rob you,pick a boda-boda from an organized boda-boda stage. i mean boda-boda stages are everywhere there is a shade in Kampala. This won’t be hard. actually you can create your own boda stage without owning a boda-boda. what you need to do is plant a tree outside your gate and baaaam… boda stage.

As for cheap prices and faster getaways…always stop the moving ones. in Kampala there are boda-bodas that roam aimlessly and can take any direction and you could find them easily, just like in Kampala we have the ‘bazungu’. These boda-bodas will take you anywhere faster(for lack of a nicer word for recklessly) and you have the privilege of never hearing from them again.

Because there are those boda-bodas once you use them, they take it upon themselves to haunt you. whenever you show up at the stage or immediately show  your head out of the gate. they will show up. we all hate those ones. because there will be a time you will feel like taking a female boda-boda. and you won’t because of this contract binding you to that nagging boda man who want to have a conversation while riding. with all that wind blowing his words away but you have to be polite and reply.

Lastly please avoid the yuppy ones. you can identify these easily, they don’t put on helmets or their helmet visor is always raised. well this is a tricky one, most of them don’t put on helmets. so it only means one thing, all boda-bodas in Kampala have an opinion on everything, unfortunately that only means they are human. They will chew your ear off in that gustily wind while riding down one of the hills. The gas you will have at the end of the day will get you ready for the next UG-hacks.