#UgHacks: How to hook up with a muzungu without being a rasta

So you are an average male Ugandan who likes to keep his hair short and neat, you prefer your jeans clean when you put them on, you are not into weed and smoking, and although we are all black, you have a lighter skin complexion and you have a real job so you cannot hang out at bars everyday. how are you going to compete with the Rasta who are everything you are not for a muzungu lady?

First what makes the Ugandan Rasta the bazungu ladies men is a mystery but we won’t delve into that. though i think it is the dreads, no. maybe the fact that they do not discriminate by age. or they are more Ugandan than the rest. mystery? so to have it easier just be a Rasta.
index

But for one who sees this unfairness where if a muzungu is dating a Ugandan girl, they date the best of them preferably a model. Then when a Ugandan man dates a muzungu….all hell breaks loose but i do not want to offend anyone. so i think we need a meeting with the Rasta community because they are the majority of people setting these unfair standards.

Enough of the Rasta.

Given that there is currently an obsession about dating light-skin chics in Kampala,  if someone turned up with a white chic, competition would be dead. he would win the competition without lifting a finger.

201406_2252_acebh_sm

Now from Ug-Hacks here is how a “not-a-Rasta” guy can turn up with a muzungu babe.

Join Aiesec:this students organization is responsible for a good percentage of the datable white females who come to Uganda. if you are too old for Aiesec friends. (small shout-out to Joseph and Gerald)
Join an NGO: NGOs are breeding grounds for  bazungu females with good hearts. Keep your day Job and be one of the few Ugandans who volunteer or just be a big time donor. ‘hard paper’ that one but eyes on the prize.

Lastly: leave the tourists bazungu for the Rasta

UG-hacks: How to pick the right boda-boda in Kampala

I write this for the locals. For others, the thing is once you get to Uganda, try to become a local. it will be more fun that way. otherwise you will be conned by the man next to you right at the airport. In fact even by that one you landed with at Entebbe.

Today i start my series of UG-hacks. Hack number one is about how to choose the best and safest boda-boda when you are in town. find description of boda-boda here

Boda-boda at work. any load.
Boda-boda at work. any load.

For good price negotiation, choose the shabbiest and dirties boda-boda rider(huh!), these tend to be owning the bikes because by the time it gets old like that it means he finished paying off the loan he used to buy it so that only means low charges. And also the shabbiness indicates good nature. everyone will side with me, neat people tend to be a bit rude, arrogant and a tad bit too serious.

images

And for guarantee that that boda-boda you are taking won’t only take you past your destination but also rob you,pick a boda-boda from an organized boda-boda stage. i mean boda-boda stages are everywhere there is a shade in Kampala. This won’t be hard. actually you can create your own boda stage without owning a boda-boda. what you need to do is plant a tree outside your gate and baaaam… boda stage.

As for cheap prices and faster getaways…always stop the moving ones. in Kampala there are boda-bodas that roam aimlessly and can take any direction and you could find them easily, just like in Kampala we have the ‘bazungu’. These boda-bodas will take you anywhere faster(for lack of a nicer word for recklessly) and you have the privilege of never hearing from them again.

Because there are those boda-bodas once you use them, they take it upon themselves to haunt you. whenever you show up at the stage or immediately show  your head out of the gate. they will show up. we all hate those ones. because there will be a time you will feel like taking a female boda-boda. and you won’t because of this contract binding you to that nagging boda man who want to have a conversation while riding. with all that wind blowing his words away but you have to be polite and reply.

Lastly please avoid the yuppy ones. you can identify these easily, they don’t put on helmets or their helmet visor is always raised. well this is a tricky one, most of them don’t put on helmets. so it only means one thing, all boda-bodas in Kampala have an opinion on everything, unfortunately that only means they are human. They will chew your ear off in that gustily wind while riding down one of the hills. The gas you will have at the end of the day will get you ready for the next UG-hacks.